Muted Lives
by Spunky-Doll
Summary: Your basic VC-ish story about a young girl, with a unique name wh ogoes through a huge trauma-- only I'm hoping mine will be a little more traumatic in the end... :)
1. The Beginning of the End

There is supposed to be time for everything. There should be a time to be happy or sad. There should be a time to laugh or cry. There should be time to celebrate or mourn. There should be a time for hope or depression. But I suppose I never got any of my times. In my home the display of emotions were simply forbidden. At home I was nobody, never aloud to have an opinion much less speak about it. My parents believed that people who could express their feelings openly were surely pawned by the devil. The devil cursed humans with love, hate, fear, guilt and shame simply to torment humans into a life that could only end up in pain. If you were able to ignore the devil's gifts then certainly you could ignore what was unnecessary pain.  
  
Of course my parents never realized that in their state of mind they expressed just as much emotion as an average person would. Mom and Pa were angry at a world that didn't see the devils presence. They were depressed, loathing in self-pity and bad-tempered. Worst of all they were ignorant and unable to see how they rest of the world lived normally.  
  
My siblings and I were young and often didn't know what to make of our parents beliefs. Surely if Mom and Pa believed it was true then it had to be. They couldn't be wrong. Parents are always right when it comes to such matters, aren't they?  
  
We were left confused, not knowing what was right. When we went to school all we saw were people acting out in devilish ways. Often my sisters, brother and I were teased and taunted for being so quiet and depressed. Even after we were humiliated there wasn't a thing we would do, just continued on pretending not to understand. We knew that if Mom and Pa were to ever find out that our feelings were revealed at school, there would be a punishment at home.  
  
Often I would wonder how my parents tolerated having children. They were never affectionate towards each other; actually at times they looked as though they loathed one another. How could two people so distant from reality make love a number of times to created four children? And when each of us was an infant how could they control the cries for love? Since I was the youngest out of all four children I couldn't find out how, but my oldest sister Daisy who was five at the time of my birth once told me stories that sent chills up my spine. She had said that whenever I was to cry out for an unknown reason Pa would soak me in ice-cold water until I stopped my crying. Daisy wouldn't tell me any other stories so I went to my other sister Lily who was only a year younger then Daisy. But Lily was useless because she would never defy our parents. I didn't bother to ask my brother Joshua because he was less then a year older then me and remembered just as much as I did.  
  
I was so eager to find out about my parents, what had made them the way they were? Was it some horrible event that changed them? Or had they always been this way? At times I felt as though I lived with two lunatics, they would do most anything to please God and steer clear of the devil. They even had their children named after what they considered God's gifts of nature. My two sisters were named after pure flowers, Daisy and Lily. My brother Joshua was given the name of God's human son translated to the modern language. And I was named Brooke, a crystal clear stream in which to wash away your sins. Actually my full name was Brooke Lynn Sweeny, but my parents later found out that Brooklyn was a city and like any other city there was the devil. So they would simply call me Brooke, although I secretly loved the full name Brooke Lynn and knew one day that when I escaped I would demand to be called by my full name. However, right then I didn't know that I would be leaving home sooner then expected. And I certainly never expected that after leaving I would want to go back.  
  
For me, time was always an obstacle. I tried not to think of the day, week or month. For it would send me into a deep depression. I constantly told myself that the day I reached sixteen I'd be long gone from my house of horror. But now I was only fifteen and had what seemed to be an eternity of time to waste before I could begin my real life. That's how I always thought of it, I was simply put here to live with this so-called family until I was old and mature enough to begin what would be a wonderful fancy life filled with laughter, tear and any other emotion I wanted to show!  
  
My parents thought they had taught my siblings and I well. They thought they were so smart by being able to mould four small children into blank little followers of God. But, oh were they wrong! When I turned fourteen I realized there sick games and allowed myself to be normal. My brother, Josh and I would go down to this thin river stream; there was a special place we would sit, right beneath a huge Weeping Willow. It was our sanctuary, there we would both go just to laugh until our stomach hurt or cry until or eyes had run dry. We would have long talk about our lives after this (for Josh believed to that where we were living was simply only a temporary residence until it was decided our real lives would start.)  
  
Josh and I had a really close really relationship, it was by far better then the relationship I possessed with my two sisters. My eldest sister, Daisy was already twenty and still living at home. How I pitied her, but at the same time I was disgusted because she had the freedom to leave and yet couldn't find her way out the door! I promised myself no matter what the circumstances were I would never allow myself to become like Daisy. She repeatedly told me that the only reason she was still gracing us with her presence at home was simply because she hadn't found an eligible husband yet. And certainly she could never start a life without a charming man by her side. Then there was my other sister, Lily. Now she was a different story all together. Lily was the absolute child that Mom and Pa were hoping to raise. She was so like our parent that I didn't talk to her unless I had to, and she certainly never talked to me. Nevertheless, she was my nineteen- year-old sister who also refused to leave home sweet home. But it wasn't for the same pathetic reason Daisy had, oh no Lily had an even more pathetic reason… she just didn't want to go. She once told me in these exact words "Why leave here when I have everything I could possibly want. Beside Mom and Pa told me that they would leave me the house when they died."  
  
Our home wasn't anything special; actually it was pretty far from special. We lived in West Virginia on the outskirts of a small coal-mining town called Lubbington. In fact Lubbington was so small I'd be surprised if it were even on a map. But unfortunately I had never been giving the pleasure of owning a map. We lived in a small one-floor cottage out in the hills. Surrounding our home were trees of every different kind. They were so abundant that it seemed as though one day the cottage would be swallowed between them and forgotten. However, there were dirt trails that lead through the forest and into town. Josh and I had to take those dirt trails every morning into town to attend our school. We'd both be graduation this year. Even though Josh was a year older then I, but since I excelled in so many of my classes I was advanced. This was the summer that Josh and I would finally make our plans to leave. It was the summer that I was anticipating ever since I was born. 


	2. Just a Glimpse

  "Get out of bed girl." My father bellowed in his usual gruff way. He never addressed me by my name, so I had to ask the question, why did he even bother naming me in the first place? Pa would always called Daisy and Lily by there names, and sometimes even Josh, but never me. I often wondered if he even knew my name.

  "You call this a bed?" I mumbled referring to this quilt that spread out on the hardwood floor for me to sleep in every night. Lately since I knew any day I would be leaving I didn't offer Pa the respect he believed he deserved.

  "What did you say?" He raged, "Just who do you think your talking to?" He came further into the room that my siblings and I shared. I looked around fearfully; my sisters and brother were nowhere to be seen_. Oh God_, I thought, _I'm alone and I've managed to flare my father's temper. _

  "Nothing." I answered in a week child's voice.

  'The hell it wasn't! You've been nothing but a pest these days. Your turning away from God and I know just the way to bring you back!" He large feet stomped across the floor I still laid upon, I could feel the vibrations causing my body to tremble. This wasn't the first time Pa had decided I should turn back to God. But luckily on past occasions I had always managed to fight myself free. But then again, on past occasions I wasn't lying on the floor.

  My father took no time hesitating to catch me while I was still filled with fatigue, he seized me by my long dark red hair and dragged me out of my room. I tried to follow behind as fast as I could because fighting him off just made the whole experience more painful. But it seemed no matter how fast I followed; the more he would tug me along to go faster. The pain was excruciating, tears burned my eyelids but I kept them hidden from my father as best as I could. 

  We went down the hall, through the kitchen, into the living room and out the front door. But not before my brother caught a glance of what was happening, he was outside on our front yard cutting firewood. Pa paid no attention to him as we went into the woods. I got so scared, where was he taking me? Why were Josh's eyes so filled with fear when he saw Pa ruthlessly pulling me into the woods? Questions after questions filled my mind and filled me with paranoid thought. Was he going to kill me?

  I couldn't follow his like a lap dog into my death, I had to fight back—even he is stronger. Violently I shook my head, trying to back him release my hair. I let out loud screams, screams I didn't even recognize as my own. I sounded so frantic; surely anyone thought heard must have thought I was insane. I started whipping my arms around at Pa to try to inflict any damage possible. But my small fists were merely an annoyance that just made his job harder. I could see and feel my hair being pulled out as I so viciously swayed my head. But Pa just kept moving.

   Finally when I thought it would never end he let go of whatever hair he still had in his grasp and picked my up into his massive arms. Then he threw me! He threw me so far, it was as if I were a child. But with his through came aim, I went flying into the swimming hole. It wasn't our swimming hole, but Mr. Ferguson's our next-door neighbour. And since we didn't have a swimming hole of our own, I had no idea how to swim. 

  Before I went under I tried to take a deep breath, but I was unsuccessful and drank in water. With the force of Pa's through I went straight to the bottom. I tried kicking my arms and legs around like I had see other people doing, but it was no use. Gosh, I never knew this water was so deep. I couldn't even see the top. I couldn't hold my breath, so I started to exhale and with that naturally I inhaled. Big mistake. I was coughing and choking and in the process I just drank in more water. I'm going to die, I thought. I'm going to die before my life even starts! Everything was starting to look blurred. Red bubbles were everywhere, why would there be red bubbles? I look around but the bubbles followed my vision. I was seeing bubbles!

  Suddenly two strong arms were and pulling me up to the surface. I wouldn't make it up there, it was to far and the bubbles were growing. I passed out right before we hit the air. 

  I heard many times before that when someone dies they see a white light, I suppose it was there to represent heaven and it's holiness. However, I didn't believe in heaven and I didn't see any white lights. Instead I saw darkness and heard awful screeching noises, it felt as if someone was tearing through my mind, everything was so unclear. For a moment I believed this was the after-life. I believed that my spirit had left my body and now I was going to go on like this. How scared I was at that moment.

  Beyond the horrible shrieks I could hear someone calling my name, it was very faint, but nevertheless I could hear it. I strained my hearing further and the voice became louder. Easily I could tell that it was my brother, Josh. He sounded so desperetly worried. I tried harder to bring myself back to him. Soon enough I could fell his arms on my shoulders, shaking me frantically. And with one last gust of effort I brought myself back into the world I so much despised. I began a chocking spasm and couldn't seem to keep my body from trembling.

  Josh performed the Heimlich Manoeuvre that he had learned in grade nine gym class, water trickled down my chin and finally I as fine. Actually, saying I was fine was an exaggeration. I was far from fine—for heaven's sake my father had just tried to kill me! And for what? I vowed to myself that I'd never disobey him again, but I had made those vows many times before and I always ended up back in this situation. Fearfully, I glanced around for any signs of Pa.

  "Pa left right after he threw you into the water." Josh answered my silent questions.

  "What? But… but he knew I couldn't swim, I would have died if you didn't save me! Josh, he's never tried to kill me before. Sure, I've got beatings but that was it!" I cried.

  "I know, all the more reason to leave this place Brooke Lynne," He mumbled. I smiled at him, he was the only one who dared to call me Brooke Lynne, and I loved him all the more for it.


	3. Fear of Death

 Josh went back into the house without me. It took me awhile but I finally convinced him that I was fine. I loved him more then anyone, but there were times when I just had to be alone, and after my father had nearly killed me I thought that now was only one of these times. 

 Although I wanted to get as far away as possible from that swimming hole, I felt lured to it. I sat by the side, letting my feet touch the water. If I knew how to swim then Pa wouldn't have come to close to ending my life. But then another thought passed through my head… or would he find another way? I knew that Pa didn't like me much, I was his only child that he ever hit and I was the only one he didn't talk to at some point or another. Why though? What was so detestable about me?

 I may have laid by that swimming hole for ten minutes or an hour, but I jumped up when I realized I had school today. Although I was a fairly good student, I couldn't afford to miss class today, not when I was so close to graduating. Speedily, I ran back to our home. I didn't want to have to confront Pa yet so I went through the back door. In a hurry I was dressed and out the front door. I didn't see Josh either, so I figured he already went to school without me. 

 It was quite a distance to the school, but I made it there in twenty minutes of running. By the time I came to the door of Mr. Franklin's English class I was filled with cramps and out of breath. Slowly I opened up the door. Mr. Franklin wasn't the nicest man around and I didn't want him to throw one of his all-time famous tantrums on me.

  "Ms. Sweeny, your late." He stated in his high-pitch screeching voice. Mr. Franklin was one man whose voice did not match with his body. He was a short, but very plump fellow with rosy red cheeks and green eyes. Anyone might think of him as a younger version Santa Claus, but I knew different. 

 "Sorry Sir." I muttered as I made my way to my seat at the back of the class—the same seat that was beside Josh. But Josh wasn't there!     

 "Where is your brother today, Ms. Sweeny?" Mr. Franklin asked sounding annoyed.

 "I don't know" Was all I could manage to say. I had never gone trough a day of school without Josh. I know that some people think of me as pathetic to latch myself onto my brother so much, but I didn't see those people offering me their friendship.

 "Well then, take your seat! I haven't got all day!" He shrieked.

 I mumbled some profanity under my breath; even though no one could hear me I had to get my anger out some how. 

 The rest of my classes I didn't have with Josh anyways, so it didn't make a big difference. But at lunch I had to go to the far-side table and eat alone. Maybe I was paranoid but I could feel people's gazes on me. While others even had the nerve to point and laugh! My anger boiled, how dare they! Before I knew it, three girl were walking over to my table.

 "Brooke, where's your boyfriend?" they asked giggling. I knew all three girls well. The leader was Sissy Read, followed by Anna Martin and Gerbert Haines. I hated them all.

 "My brother Josh is at home." I said with me teeth gritted. 

 "Aw, poor Brooke! All alone at this big table!" 

 "Thanks for your concern" I said sarcastically. 

 "We brought you something."

 "What?" I said, growing more fearsome of there presence. I suddenly noticed that the whole lunchroom was silent and staring my way.

 "This!" Sissy screamed as she poured her bottle of Diet Pepsi all over my blouse. At the same time Gerbert and Anna threw their milk on my face and hair. 

 I was in complete shock. What had I done? Why did everyone want to see me suffer? Why was I always hurting inside?

 Before I could answer my own questions I got up from my seat and pounced on Sissy. Clawing my nails at her precious face and pulling her long blonde hair. We rolled over on the lunchroom floor while students cheered. They weren't cheering for me though.

 Kicking, punching, slapping, clawing and screaming I tried to inflict any damage possible. That was until the school principle came in to separate us.   

 "She's a monster!" Sissy screamed. I saw I had beaten her pretty bad. Blood poured through her nose, lip and various scratch marks and her eye was swelling up. Taking just one look at Sissy, the principle decided I was a monster and ordered me into his office.

 Walking out the lunchroom I heard myself being called various, but equally horrible names. I ran to the office, just to escape it all. When I got there, I through myself down on the chair, so many emotions went through me right then that I was sure Pa wouldn't hesitate to kill me. I wanted to start crying, but didn't because there was someone else in the room. I stared at him closely; I had never seen him before. But then again, I don't pay all that much attention to people.

 "What are you in here for?" He asked when my staring became to intense. He had jet-black hair with pale skin and the greenest eyes ever. It was looking at the male version of Snow White.

 "I got into a fight. And you?" I asked

 "Told my teacher off." He said with a teasing smile.

 "Which one?"

 "Mr. Franklin… what's your name" He told off Mr. Franklin! Already I was beginning to like him!

 "I'm Brooke Lynn, nice to meet you." I said politely.

 "Hi, I'm Damien." He extended his long hand. I shook it quickly, and then the principle called me into his office. Cautiously I walked in.

 "I don't want to waste my time explaining the situation to you. You know what you did, and for that you're suspended for three days. Your parents aren't answering the phone at your house, so I've decided to let you have the benefit of telling them…. You're dismissed."

  Me? Tell Pa I suspended from school for reckless behaviour? But just this morning I had nearly been dead, now I was really in for it!


	4. Broken Pieces

Slowly, I made the long walk home. I couldn't stop shaking and my stomach was swarming with butterflies. God, how could I put myself in this situation? How would I tell Pa? I had considered not telling him at all but the principal assured me he would be calling the house tonight to see that my parents had gotten the message. Before I went back into our cottage, I made my way down to the sacred Willow tree. So many times I had come here when I had any kind of feeling to share. Somehow I believed that if I were to express myself at the Willow tree then the whole world would know. And they would be able to know that I was normal-I, Brooke Lynn Sweeny WAS normal. "There's nothing wrong with me!" I shrieked at the Willow tree. Of course, it didn't answers me. but this just revived my anger. "Nothing! Nothing! Nothing! IT'S THEM. ALL THEM! I HATE THEM!" I let out a scream, it didn't sound like me, it sounded more animal-like. I ran up to the Willow tree and started beating my fist into it. "I hate you to! You stupid, silly, worthless tree!" I was yelling at a tree, I had completely lost it. I kept banging on that tree till the sides of my hands were swelled and bleeding. Stupid me, stupid tree, stupid everything. stupid. My hissy-fit was far from over though. I started stomping my feet on the flowers that grew under the once-so-magical willow tree. I spun in circles crying and yelling out. I fell down to the ground and started tugging at my beautiful red hair. It had been something I was once so proud of, but now nothing mattered. "It's over! Urgh!" I yelled at the sky. "But you don't care, do you? DO YOU? No, no, nobody cares! I got up from the ground and started running. I knew where I was going. Finally I knew one thing that was certain in my life. I was going to die today. But I wouldn't give Pa the divine pleasure of being my murderer-I was going to do that. I was going to end my life. I raced towards the swimming hole. When I was close enough I jumped up into the air and hit the water with a giant splash. This time I didn't frantically fling my arms and legs around. I didn't try to make my way up to the surface. I just allowed myself to be taken down. I'm sorry Josh, sorry that I gave up so easily. Sorry that by life never even began before I took it away. Sorry, I disappointed everyone. But they would get over it, they would. But, I'm just not as strong as you thought. But, yet again I was proved wrong. As soon as I neared the bottom I started to float back up to the surface. I didn't stop it. I just floated. The water didn't even want me now. When I got to the top I made my way back to ground. Like someone in a state of daze I walked back home, dripping wet from head to toe. I walked into our cottage and went straight to the bedroom I shared with Daisy and Lily. "What happened to you?" Daisy asked with a grimace. "I got suspended from school for fighting." I said as if it were the most obvious thing ever. "You did what?" Lily exclaimed. Damn Lily, she was such a pest. "Pa is going to get you." "That's nice. Now why don't you get a life?" I replied sarcastically. She didn't reply, she'd never do anything that would show how she really felt. But this time it was for a different reason. I cautiously turned around, to find our 6'5 father standing in our room. His face was red, full of fury and his fist were clutched together. "So, you don't learn from this morning child? You go off to school and show your little snooty attitude? What is wrong with you, child?" He said through his clenched teeth. "MY NAME ISN"T CHILD!" I screamed and because I couldn't think of anything to call him I made a jet for the door. 


	5. A New Place to Stay

When I ran out the bedroom door I didn't actually suspect to get away. But I figures when you've got noting to lose, why not go for it? I paced through the hallway, into the kitchen and out the backdoor, leaving behind me the giggles of Daisy and Lily. Pa was at my feet the whole time. He could have reached out and caught me if he wanted to. but he just chased me. He was in this for the fight, I thought, he's so disturbed. Exactly like this morning Josh was outside and happened to catch a glimpse of Pa's crazy antics. I shrieked for him to help me while I made my way into the forest. Dodging over branches, swiftly turning corners in between trees I lost I may have a chance, And when Pa fell flat on his face my heart was filled with hope again. Now at least twenty feet behind me Pa was no longer a threat. "You stupid kid!" He yelled. He had stopped in his place, not wanting to continue a battle he had lost. When I felt far away enough to be safe I stopped in my tracks to. "What's that Pa? I can't hear you from all the way down here?" I sarcastically screamed. I knew my bigmouth would only end me up in trouble. For the last year or so I always had some snide comment. Even Josh had gotten to the point where he would tell me to shut-up, but I couldn't. I suppose that's what happens when your silenced for so long. I had never said anything like this in front of Pa, but I figured now was as good as time as any. Behind Pa I could see Josh hiding in the bushes. I loved him so, but sometimes he could be such a chicken shit. "You get right back here." Pa screamed at me, "NOW!" I wasn't stupid, I wasn't going to put myself in the arms of an enemy. "Um, let me contemplate that," I yelled back pretending to be deep in thought, "Well, how about. NO!" I followed with a high-pitched laugh. I thought that right then and there his hand would stretch out and slap me hard. But Pa's attention diverted to behind me then he walked away. An odd thing for Pa to do, but when I turned around I noticed an elderly couple with their jaws hanging down. They had witnessed the whole skit. I was disappointed and relieved at the arrival. I wanted to see what Pa would do next, but I also feared what he could have done next. The couple walked away when they saw me gawking at them, and rightly so. I threw myself down onto the ground. Letting the autumn leaves break my fall. I wanted to cry, but I had such a damn headache. So I just laid there, in minutes Josh was by my side stroking my hair. "What's wrong with you? Don't ya have any common knowledge?" Josh asked. I knew he meant well, but I couldn't take being bullied around anymore. "What wrong with you? You blasted chicken hiding in the bushes! You could have helped me. We could have taken Pa down together." "Brooke, it's not like that at all. You get so mouthy and stupid sometimes. I'm not getting myself into unnecessary trouble." He muttered. I wasn't stupid it wasn't me. I didn't answer him, instead I reflected on what just happened. Pa would never let me enter that house again. I could never show my face to him again (well, maybe I was stupid?!). "Go back home, Josh get me a sleeping bag, leftovers from dinner, my hair brush and anything else you'd need to live off in the woods," I mumbled with a sense of defeat. 'What? You've really gone and become dumb. You can't live in the woods. What if a bear comes? What if it rains? What if you have to go to the bathroom?" He sounded frantic about the idea-and he wasn't even the one doing it. "Hell Josh, we both know there ain't any bears! Besides I'll be staying at the willow tree. It's big enough to offer shelter and Ms. Ruth got a outhouse that I can use." I came up with answers to his questions pretty quick. Actually I had thought many times before about living out in the woods, and now I would be prepared. "So what? You're going to live out here the rest of your life?" He asked. "No, I'm just going to stay here long enough to finish school then I'll be on my way to any college of my choice. I'm getting a scholarship you know?" I said. If I was proud of anything (besides my hair) it was my grade grades. I was over-the-average smart. See, I wasn't stupid. "Yea I know about that scholarship. But Brooke, you can't just leave your life behind. You can't!" He pleaded. I realized then that Josh only wanted me around because he was scared to be alone. Although I knew he'd never admit it. I didn't blame him though I was scared too. I wrapped my arms around his neck and cradled my head on his shoulder. "Josh, we only have a few weeks before we graduate. I have all those 'savings' and then I'll be on my way. Wherever I go I'll get a job and work my way through." By savings I meant the money I had pocketed from various people over the years. There was at least four thousand dollars, which was a helluva lotta money. "But we. we were going to do this together Brooke. We've been talking about since we could talk!" "Do you want to be attached to my side forever." I answered his complaints dully. When I said this his face turned crimson. He got up and walked back to the house. to get the supplies I would need. 


End file.
